Girl, you amaze me

2008-05-20T01:59:00.001+08:00

When i said i'm moving i mean i'm moving to LJ.
When i said i'm leaving. I mean i'm leaving a certain place.

ciaos for now.

2008-05-18T13:38:00.003+08:00

Last straw,
Friends dont come as and when you want them to be.
They are like relationship, you have to nurture it.
If you dont make the effort, or you choose to ruin all.
Trust me, you are not even a nickel worth.

Why should i be more of a friend,
when you had been less of a friend to me?

For those who have no idea,
i'm both leaving and moving.

2008-05-16T10:13:00.001+08:00

Just like,
South of the Borders, West of the Sun.
The Call of Humanity.

2008-05-16T01:34:00.002+08:00

I don't know why. I don't know why.
This is not right. This is not right.
Why am i. why am i?
I feel funny. I feel funny.
Something's leaving. Something's leaving.
My dreams are taken over. taken over.
I can't deny. I can't deny.
Why are you? How are you?
I'm drowning. I'm sinking.
it's overwhelming.
I just want nothing.
Alone.

2008-05-14T00:49:00.002+08:00

When things are complicated.
it's always good to take a step back
and think about how simple things can be.
Why probe when you can just watch it pass you by?

I guess that's how things shd be.

goodbye emo days.
welcome joyful (i hope)

2008-05-05T23:12:00.003+08:00

People come and go,
At times like this,
it might be a good thing.
Just want to say,
Thank you for being there.

Goodbye now.

2008-05-03T22:04:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i find it hilariously funny,
Other times i find it stupid.
Many times, i wonder if you even have a working brain.
Today, i think i found the answer,
you dont even have one.

2008-04-30T00:23:00.004+08:00

Spare differences. Might consider as mild attacks. I don't understand why it's like that. Neither do i understand why i'm feeling like that. Maybe it's normal but it makes me feel irrational. Maybe it's right to walk away.

Someday it will tell, someday i will know.
Maybe someday, it might be the end.
But all i know i might lose myself.

Oh come on Jess, Face the fact,
Truth hurts.

2008-04-28T00:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, i really hope you will stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the people around you. It's very annoying and tiring. We're right. but who's to blame anw?

2008-04-26T02:18:00.005+08:00

So yes, point proven
i was delighted after work.
Partly because i had my weekly dosage of G-drug*.
and the weekend is here! hurrayy!
I'm seriously not enjoying working life.
Just hope next week will be better.

movie and live band made it blissful
but your company made it beyond bliss.
rating out of 5 stars, Harold and Kumar
got all 5 stars from me because of you =D

nights world.

*not a name of an actual drug. it's just to emphasis addiction.

2008-04-24T23:48:00.002+08:00

Take me away to a place just beside.

I dont understand, Just dont understand.

Someone do something about it.

It's getting into me, I just dont feel well.

Something tells me i'm gg to be damnn happy after work tmr.

hmmm. i wonder.

As random as this entry is, one week passed,

So now I have another 18 weeks of SIP to go.

damn bloody emo now.

sighs.

2008-04-19T01:47:00.005+08:00

I receive so much joy from being able to see a smile in your eyes. I love to look at you and realise how glad i am for everything the two of us share. It would be wonderful if every wish imaginable could find a way to come true but deep down inside, i don't need all those wishes.

because all i need is. what i have. with you.

2008-04-19T01:02:00.002+08:00

Must it always end on sucha bad note? Are all these part and parcel of life? Oh god, it's so tiring to continue.

2008-04-15T13:59:00.002+08:00

Imaginary collections. Reality so surreal. Illusionary consciousness. All these seemed to hit my brain at one blow. As much as I tried, I don’t plan to take it and pushing it away makes the coward in me surface. I seriously don’t understand neither do i know how to improvise the situation.

Why must everything be so deep? I just don’t get it.

2008-04-12T13:21:00.006+08:00

What is hidden beneath the strong ugly front of yours? I honestly don't like what I'm seeing neither do i enjoy what I'm hearing. But who am i to confront this matter, no one.

Any hows, Finally its feels like holidays but come to think of it, its pretty boring when you have nothing much to do and yes, you will tend to want to go back to school/work. Oh wells.

Okay i seriously don't know what happen to all my inspirations, it seems to deplete as i write. Pardon me for the lack of entries recently. because each time i open the page and attempt to type, next moment i get lazy and decide to sign out of blogger.

Sometimes, you can make it on your own.

2008-04-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

Sad to say, the league had ended and Pasirian had been a good team. Weekends are gg to be so mundane from now on. Sighs.

2008-04-01T23:36:00.003+08:00

How would you feel when your dreams shatter, hopes disappear, your wrist is injured and trust is gone? How would you feel when everything change in a split-second? How would you feel when you rise up then something hit you and you fell 6 feet under? How would you feel when the whole world seems to be watching you?

But for all the hows,

Whatever that doesn't kills you, makes you stronger.

I will find my way. I just need a break. a serious one.

God will make a way,

for me.

2008-04-01T01:01:00.002+08:00

Its still getting into me, i don't really know what i should do. Can anyone differentiate the right and the wrong? From what's on the surface and what's beneath? Maybe from things that are known to things that are not known? Don't you somehow wanna know what's unknown? Don't you tend try hard to figure out.

Should i not know instead?

2008-03-31T14:35:00.000+08:00

and i miss you so,

2008-03-30T03:09:00.001+08:00

Been a minute and we still holding it down
Butterflies every time you come around
You make me, so crazy
It's crazy, oh baby

And I don't ever wanna be with no one else
You're the only one that ever made me melt
You're special

2008-03-28T01:43:00.004+08:00

Training was good. I'm totally exhausted. Anw, I was asked to blog so yes.

Just needed you to know that
you're priceless, sweetheart.
Thank you.

2008-03-26T03:18:00.008+08:00

Just fyi, Jessica's one the happiest girls in the world right now because the people who left her here alone in Singapore for four freaking long days are finally back. You should really hear how happy and superly eggcited she was when you all came online one by one. Aww, so sweet right? :/ Oh but, she's quite sad cos KF, you didn't get the bird nest she wanted, haha. Oh, I think all of you should really know this. While all of you were gone, she went on and on complaining and whining about how long you all were gonna be gone for, and how she really wanted to go and how you all left her behind. Hahaha, see that's how much she missed you girls.

She didn't manage to get tickets for the Maroon 5 concert that happened like last night as well, so that's like a double boo. Oh oh oh, and Myra, Jess really badly wants to know what you got for her from Bangkok. By the way, did anyone get anything for me? Hahaha okay, I was just kidding.

Ehhh, I really hope you all can see how I'm trying very hard to come up with something and not sound dumb (while she's grinding her teeth far away at Dreamland, tsk!). Okay, I know I already sound dumb, shucks. Oh and, I don't usually write in metaphors, and this is probably one of the most straight forward and longest posts she has. So, I apologise for the abrupt change in the style of her entries.

Oh oh oh, and I heard the few names I have right now. Like Dine dine (?!?!?!) Okay, I think G's cool but erm, G-spot and G-string ain't that cool anymore. Anything but Dine dine, please!

Okay, I think I just did a very bad job posting for her.
I'm done here.

Love,
G. (Heh, see I told you G's cool.)

2008-03-25T01:07:00.001+08:00

Let me hear you say,
now I’ll never be lonely,
look at what you’ve shown me,
never find a love like this.

Cause this life tries to keep us apart,
you keep calling me back to your heart.
Let me hear you say,
I'm so glad you found me,
wrap your world around me,
never find a love like this.

2008-03-23T02:16:00.002+08:00

The little things we did. Those random walks. The journeys. That toasted toasts under the pouring rain. That sweet smiles on your face as small talks conversed. The trip to church. the shelther at bugis. Unfortunately, there was a tinge of unhappiness within me which surfaced because of my friends who deliberately left me alone in singers (not alone actually but im sad).

But i need you to know that I enjoyed. every single minute

and i hope you enjoyed it too.

Happy Easter all.

goodnight.

2008-03-21T14:40:00.003+08:00

Tmr 7am, im gg to be alone in the wolves town. All the little wolfies or rather most of them will be heading to bangkok while i struggle in singapore by myself. how sad.

okay i gotta rush off already. before it starts raining and someone starts screaming.

Laters.
Good friday, everyone.

2008-03-21T02:43:00.001+08:00

You got my attention at hello
We had this connection that wouldn’t let go
There was something sexy ‘bout your voice
Anything you say makes a beautiful noise

And now we break up to make up right away
Just an excuse to lay in bed all day
I know that this thing we have won't ever change
And that’s why I have the confidence to say

A lot of girls are sexy
but you know how to use it
You can keep me up on the phone all night
We say lets hang up on 3 but we don’t ever do it
Aint it crazy how after all this time

We got that you hang up, no you hang up kinda love
We got that you hang up, no you hang up kinda love

And baby you still know just how to
Blow my mind
After everything that we’ve been through
It still feels right
And I know, that I can’t
Picture living my life without you

2008-03-19T18:11:00.005+08:00

Oh well, work had been frantic but fun. I love the environment that im in. Seriously.

And on a much sweeter note,

I'm very happy because of you,g.

2008-03-18T16:10:00.003+08:00

KF is gg to buy a house in malaysia to rear swallows because i want to eat Bird Nest. Omg can you imagine me having to live there, and watch kf trying to rear them. Ensuring that they dont fly toooo far because they are expensive. Or maybe since they can be found only on the mountains, thus we will have a house there. and because if that, we have to climb down to do shopping and up with bags of things. Even though, I have my lic probably she wont get me a car there. Omg lah. kf, this kind of life-style i dont want. You can have it. I will just have the product of it okay. =)

Anyhow, the thought of her buying a house for me is sooooo sweet, dont you think? The sweetest thing that anyone have done for me. thank you bestest!

2008-03-17T00:50:00.002+08:00

As much as i try hard to understand the situation now, i apparently dont. Maybe im stepping forward too much that i should hold myself back other times. Maybe i shd play on the other side instead of forcing through.

Is this still warming up for your game? Tell me.

2008-03-10T20:56:00.004+08:00

Each time, i drive pass this particular place, i always try to keep a look out for you. Hoping that our path will meet someday again. but up till now, since the last time i saw you, 3 months ago, i had never seen you.

When can i see you again, senior?

2008-03-08T11:46:00.003+08:00

Did you see anyone shot by a gun without bleeding?

Who can really distinguish between the sea and whats reflected in it? Or tell the difference between the falling rain and loneliness?

That became. My point of departure.

2008-03-03T01:42:00.005+08:00

So i found the therapy for aching feets is buying a new pair of shoes which i did today. and managed to catch MeetTheSpartans during break. It's a horrible movie, people. dont watch it. Nonetheless, Im starting to love working there. The people makes it really fun to work in. I hope everything will be fine. Wish me luck in waking up tmr. Im sure bestie is struggling as well. We will pull this thru eh! lovelovelove (:

The good point is that you get to meet new people. but i hate the bad point, which is you got to learn to miss the usual people around you. oh well, I cant wait for wednesday to come.

Oh yes, we lost the game yesterday and i've got bad muscle pull and a broken ankle.

Goodnight now

2008-03-01T00:46:00.002+08:00

Huray to the end of exams, boo to work. Today's my first day of work and my legs are breaking already. Even though it's pretty fun working at mezza9 but still. my legs are like jelly now. Anyone have some secret recipe on how to kill pain? PLEASE LET ME KNOW. im dying plus there's a game tmr.

okay goodnight now.

2008-02-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

do you believe in soul-mating?
At least i do, ever since i found you.
love you best.

2008-02-25T23:20:00.003+08:00

Most of the time, i choose to react differently dont mean i dont feel so. I just dont feel like going with the norm. Sometimes, when i say over, dont mean im okay. I really want to get away for awhile. After exams, im going to hibernate. I will.

Before i forget

-

Dear Popcorn,

Im sure you will be reading this and i hope you are feeling better now. Stop thinking about today's alright. You will do well the next. I believe you will. (: SMILE OKAY!

2008-02-24T16:10:00.003+08:00

Oh my goodness, check out the new mazda 6

its so pretty. i want to test drive!

2008-02-23T23:58:00.006+08:00

So we won today, 7-1. I scored after so many attempts. lalala~! so happy. anyhow, i shdnt even be online now. I shd be studying. Guess i will only start intensive studying tmr. Like literally glue myself on the chair far away from the laptop. Maybe i shd lock my laptop in the closet. Or maybe put it in forbidden areas in the house.

2 down, 3 more to go.
I cant wait for holis! (:

Tell me it's true, will you?

2008-02-21T03:07:00.003+08:00

The further i walk, the wider the distance.
I want to breach it, i want to walk beside you again.
but i dontknow how to.
I feel like i let myself down.
Worse of all, i let you down.

Is there anything i can do to go closer?
Don't ignore me, will you?
I love you.

I give my life to honor this
The savior king

2008-02-19T18:01:00.003+08:00

I shd be studying! Why m i not studying? I need to study! Why cant i stop typing? Why am i home? I cant study at home. i should be out. Why am i home again? How can i concentrate like that. The Tv is my nightmare now. I have to study. I need to study. The books are calling me but i'm cover the noise by blasting the radio. I need to study yet im still typing. I feel like going out. I feel like driving around. I wanna go Pulau Ubin, I feel like going for a run now? Should i go for a run now? I also want to swim. But i'm pretty lazy although it's just beside my house. Save me people. Worse for all i feel like playing floorball. I should be studying. I have to study. Please ground me to the chair and make me concentrate. My mind cant stop wondering. I took too many breaks. Break to vivo. Break to pump petrol. Break to msn. I forbid myself from reaching my phone but it seems like im going to break it soon. okay i just broke it. Why is everyone studying outside? Maybe i should go out too. but im lazy to get out of the house. Maybe i shd just go tmr. Why m i thinking about it now? I should be studying. I also need to stop myself from breaking. I need to studying! AWWWWWW SAVE ME!

Pardon me for the major 'needtostudy' break-down.

Laters all.

Attempt #4573 -Revision on lighting and acoustics

Starts now.

2008-02-17T23:50:00.002+08:00

I just love Floorball so much. It brings me angst, bittersweet joy, undiscovered pain, conscious appearance, faith, believe and so much more. Nonetheless, the best bunch of friends. (: i love you all.

Anw, we won today, 7-3. So angry with myself. My shots dint get it although they were pretty nice. I dont care im looking forward to next week now.

Then again, exams are coming, marks Sunday. Ever wonder why floorball brings such great joy? I've got my answer today, have you?

2008-02-16T10:40:00.001+08:00

After so long.

After all obtacles faced,

I guess.

I'm still.

in love with you.

2008-02-15T10:06:00.003+08:00

Last day of school means last day of terrorising datelines. After 5 pm today, i will be a free bird. or maybe before. Anw a quick update, valentine's day was well-spent and different this year. I feel so brand new right now. Recharged with love to contiune the cycle till the next valentine. So i received a muffin, a lollipop cookie, a little girlfriend book, 1 letter, many msges, 1 box of feraros, 1 little pack of candies, lovely lunch, awesome training and awesome time at Balcony. =)

For all that made it happened, Thank you.

Sunday will definitely be a show-down. All Pasirian team girls please ensure that you reach on time with a ultra ready mind. (:

Loves!

2008-02-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

What m I? Who m I? What are you? Who m I, are you? This state of confusion which I often forbid myself from sinking in. yet allow it to slip in once again. It shouldn't happen to me now. It can't be happening. I can not allow this to happen. I've got a lot to deal with.

So much more to seek. So much more to conquer. So much to work hard for. I shouldn’t allow myself or the heart to sidetrack. But I can’t help but look to my left. Sniff the delicate scent on my right.

I don’t want to stay where I am. Yet I’m too tired to move forward. It seems to me that obstacles are dashing towards my direction and I can’t turn back. How should I stop? How can I conquer? I don’t want to lose yet I’m afraid to continue?

What if I fall? What if I fail? Will you lend me a hand? Will you give me a lift? Will you catch my fall? What if I can never stand up and continue? Will I end up with a bleeding heart?

I don’t know, I don’t know how to make it through this.
I'm falling, I'm yelling

can you hear me yell?

2008-02-10T23:49:00.001+08:00

So it was the sun and the sea, kayak and swim, candies and self-made sandwiches, all the little moments, those whines and madness, those little kisses and cuddles, the life vests, that will.i.am and more...wouldnt be perfect without you.

One full day of activites left me with extreme exhaustion, aches and.. (:

oh god, Im so not looking forward to tmr,

it's going to be a longgggggggggggg day ):

I was caught off guard when i saw you today.

but im glad i did.

2008-02-08T13:03:00.000+08:00

I feel a compression in my heart.
guess it's way beyond my control.
Sometimes we just gotta live
on the surface than to go in depth.

I found my enlightenment this new year.
how about you?

2008-02-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

I feel you.

2008-02-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness.

Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! <

Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

so i ripped that off shikin's blog (dont kill me when you see this) that's obviously because im half a sagi myself too and definitely the good ideal ones are true. the rest are not since im only half. so what's capricon's?

and yes i'm a sagi-con, if you all dint realise it. Im telling you now! hehheh

enlighten me, why m i bothering?

2008-02-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, Jac.
loveloveloves!

2008-02-01T00:44:00.001+08:00

thoughts and thoughts and thoughts
flush my brain like ocean blue.

M i for real?

2008-01-29T21:31:00.001+08:00

It is times like these,
you learn to walk again.

2008-01-29T00:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, don't you just feel like rewinding the time to a certain part of your past and replay it. If i can, i would want to turn back time till one year ago. before valentine was spent. If i could relive those moments, i wont walk away like how i did. maybe.

i don't see a Uturn sign in front. Guess, i gotta keep driving straight. Is someone gonna hop on and direct me to Texas?

OK. i don't know why its getting into me now. anyone?

2008-01-27T21:35:00.001+08:00

My mind is blocked.
and its all because of you.

When o' When?

2008-01-27T02:42:00.001+08:00

and so pasirian won 5-3.
It was pretty amazing because i never expect the win. As much as i dont feel belong in this team or rather i havent been playing much with them or in actual fact only during like one training and my line is pretty much tp players. Nonetheless, I'm pretty impress by the way we could gel up so well. =)

congrats girls. 8 more to go.

TPWolves is still my family ofcus.
Thanks for the support.

so happy. lalalallaa~!

2008-01-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

by chance, we met
by chance, you smiled
by chance, we spoke
if everything is by chance,
how long do i have to wait
till we meet again?

first div 1 game later,
wish me luck =/

2008-01-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

So today was fantastic. First was a great service, followed by the scenic "out-of-singapore" view of Changi, then to the "out-of-singapore" house and the awesome starry night. I guess i managed to more or less sort everything that had been on my mind out.

I realised i had set priorities on irrelevant and inappropriate issues in my life that i neglected the bigger stones. The bigger stones that contains unconditional loves and simple joy. The bigger stones that allow me to pursue my goals in the marketplace. The bigger stones that leads me through all. My mind is the one in control. If i place all the bigger stone before the pebbles. I will definitely find contentment in its simplest form isnt it?

So,
Point number 1 is Focus.
Point number 2 is Forgiveness.
Point number 3 is Faith.

So from this week onwards, i have to overcome so many more obstacles. be it, school, family, floorball or even work (hopefully) But with proper time management and adjustments, Im sure i will be able to get the best out of it.

Laters (:

2008-01-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

Read the other to find out more.

Highlights for today,
The finals were damn good. For the women's, SIM won, definitely a true underdog story. as for the guy's, NYP won, it was way critical. First time i experienced a death match and it definitely prove that a team that never give up and make all opportunities worthy will win. I learnt quite alot today.especially about coming back and get your head into the game. I also managed to prove quite alot of sayings appropriate with my own logical theories.

and afterall, i smiled again. =D
happy birthday mum.

2008-01-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

The truth is out, and i kinda figured out. but whatever it's i aint gona get myself involve anymore. I guess you are just too blinded to see what's the right thing to do. oh well.

and like i always say. why allow such emotion slip into my mind and leave me with a depressed heart when i can forget about everything and be contented with what i have at this point in time? Well, it can be a blessing in disguise sometimes right? lol.

2008-01-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Weekend was definitely well-spent. Ogawa's, Ride to no where, Shopping with mum from suntec to parkway and best of all, today. Church, Bukit Batok bazaar, Town's wanton mee, Mount faber drinks. What esle did i miss? hmmm. anw, i just love everything. thank you all

All the best for you game tmr, pork! (:

2008-01-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

Pat's right. I lost the old Jess. The Jess that nvr give up easily. The Jess that nvr allow anything or anyone to drag her down. and so much more. Oh well, after so much that had happened, i just gotta agree that i did change quite abit. which is not a very healthy thing. So yeah, i'm finding her back. Help me everyone? I think she's hiding somewhere. hmmmm.

Ogawa's party was fun. And i can officially open a takoyaki shop. and so i will have farah, shumin, charmaine to be my helpers. maybe i will consider pris. nonetheless, the rest of the team will probably come everyday and eat up all the balls and at the end of 1 week, I can declare profitless. haha!

So i had a ride to nowhere today. thank you, you. I hope you are okay now. =)

ok. bed time. nights all.

2008-01-12T14:52:00.000+08:00

Quoted from pork's blog

"Nothing is impossible
Everything is possible if you are willing to try.
The only day when things turn out impossible is the day,
you werent even trying at all."

-
so ya, i always believe in that. If you want to give it a try, give it your all. If you choose not to, dont start at all. if you choose not to start, dont regret it some day.

Ogawa's house later. Time to have some fun together wolves!

2008-01-11T11:47:00.001+08:00

And,

we drew. 3-3 against NUS which adds up to 5 points. Since we lost to NTU and NUS drew with them, they have 7 points and NTU has 8 points which makes us not being able to qualify for the semi's. Which also means it was our last game not only for IVP but with the seniors. It’s a heart wrecking moment to know that we came this far together. Yet due to circumstances, we are going to be separated by teams. Knowing that a few will be playing for division 1 too, I can’t wait to play against/with them.

Oh well, like what Farah said, we had a good season compared to the other years. We are growing not only stronger but closer. Every single one of you in the team is like a sister to me. We've been through so much together as a family. Even when things tried to break us apart, we held each other as we walk through harsh phases. For all the disagreements that had tragically happened within the whole 2 years of my floorball life in Tp, I’m glad we manage to put this through.

All the ups and down. From minor hiccups to major fights. From camps to crucial games, all of you definitely left footprints in my memories and I know you will imprint your foot again in the years to come. Do promise that we will not let this family breakup even after?

Fuckluck. I never believe in that. Stop saying it.

2008-01-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

On top of all the discontentment,
My cow bought me little dinos which made me smile like a 5 years old kid.

Despite the painful lesson,
we will still stay together as one, right?

Remember my saying, girls.
"During the darkest time, we will find strength within our weakness to walk out stronger!"

Oh yes, pork i just wanna say thank you for everything. =D

2008-01-06T20:45:00.000+08:00

So i have yet start on BCM. had been reading articles, listening to music, watching tv, contemplating if i shd head out and decided not to, analysing the games and getting myself ready for tuesday and to only remember that i have alot to do and have yet start. Oh well, i think i should really stop procrasinating and get my work done.

"I was smart last year and i will be Smarter this year!"

back to BCM.

[Edited-9.15Pm]

I seriously cant get started. was watching the camp videos again. So cute lah. yes. Team Green definitely were the star that night with the whole caterpillar video. So ya. I shall attempt to put the video here for all to watch. =D

ok i failed. ask me if you are interested =D

2008-01-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

On a lighter note,

the week had been AWEEESOMMEE. we won our first ivp game against NP, 5-1. NUS and NTU game was way exciting. Claudia's birthday party was enjoyable. and you made it all better. =)

Oh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA (4th) and SHANSHAN (5th) =D

On the other hand,

The bonds are getting stronger. Lets focus on our upcoming match now.

Goodnight all,

God indeed works in way we cannot see. =)

2008-01-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

God is good, all the time.

He taught me how to

1) Forgive.

For all the words you used, for all the things you say without thinking, for how much it affected me for you doubting my words to you. For all you try to turn everything around. I shall forgive for your uncivilised reaction. For i know, when i forgive, I stop myself from entering the dungeon of hatred. For i know i will be able to live my life to the fullest. For i know, i will be able to find peace in my heart.

So now, I forgive you.

2) Forget.

Why do i want to forgive you and not forget the whole matter. Why should i allow you to live in the back of my mind? to haunt me subconsciously when i can be happy with the girls.

So now, i've forgotten.

3) Love my enemies.

As much as i try to hate, i just got to agree that it takes alot of love to hate somebody. so why should i put myself in a position to hate you. As much as i wont be in love with you, i had never to turn my back to you. I had been genuinely nice to you. so if you doubt it, i got nothing to say. I never have to question my actions because i react appropriately using words as cautious as i can.

Nonetheless, i would say I LOVE YOU if you have the heart to accept it

Why hate when love brings you to another level of joy?

if you think i would be piss after all that,

sorry to say i'm extremely cool with it. =)

PS: I sincerely wish you all the best in things you do. takecare now.

2008-01-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

So some sweet soul left a little note on my car today. As much as i know you are reading this, i want you to know that it really made my day! Thank you.

ok back to BCM!

2008-01-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday was definitely a blast! despite the injured ankle, the girls turned the day around! no doubt the music was bad, but we manage to make it better. i love it when carole did the rocker on guitar thing. and my lovely karmen with her retro moves.

I wanna relive camp again. and ivp is like 2 days more. fine it officially starts tmr. but our first will be thursday. =D

2007-12-31T19:56:00.000+08:00

2007 had been a real roller coaster ride but it definitely end on the right note. I'm sure my relationship with him will only get better. and my faith in him will only get stronger. Knowing that he is always there to protect me and love me. He will never forsake.

So now, on the very last day of 2007,
I wanna Thank you for all that you have done for me.
Thanks for all the wonderful blessings.

Amen.

2007-12-28T01:07:00.001+08:00

as much as it may seem as though i dont bother, i do. very much. As much as i'm happy over my pass, it wasnt a good day. First was forgeting my housekeys, then was late for training, then the car was here but the key wasnt. then i injured my ankle after baby wasnt fine. and i got whack by haha at least 39 times.

oh well,
Happy Birthday haha!

2007-12-27T09:27:00.000+08:00

"You are already clean because of the word i have spoken to you. Remain in me, and i will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remain in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. This is to my father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."

[John 15:3-8]

Fear paralyse you.

It takes you away from your goal.

As a result,

it robs you from your destiny.

God say,

My grace is sufficient for you and in your weakness, you will find strength.

I say,

If i'm with him and he's with me, there's no limit in all i do.

So now,
I'm all ready to face the battle! Wish me luck =D

2007-12-27T08:41:00.000+08:00

So fear is taking over me, i'm trembling.
I need serious assurance. please tell me what to do.
Time flies, yes it definitely does.
And i really want to make things work this time.

So, Camp was awesome, Christmas celebration was a blast.
and now this, i really hope and pray. i really hope it will be good later.

The greatest fear is not the darkest but it's the light of your claimed unattainables.

2007-12-20T05:41:00.000+08:00

Wonderful night with wonderful people,
and you. =)

thank you all.

2007-12-19T01:34:00.001+08:00

So the day is drawing near.
i'm getting feary.
but deep inside i know,
nothing is impossible through him =D

2007-12-18T03:01:00.000+08:00

it's 3am and i cant get sleep.
I cant get used to it.
i feel funny.
someone please help.

so many thoughts are running thru my mind.
I really dontknow how to note it down.
Just hope things will be better tmr.

nights world

2007-12-17T01:30:00.000+08:00

So my birthday will be in hmmm. 5 days time.
and i'm setting up my birthday/Christmas list.

1) NUM dark green shirt (S)
~~2) Esprit sport green jacket (M)~~
3) Fossil belt
4) D&G 'be little' perfume
5) Puma high boots
6) Clothes (make sure it fits me well)
7) A nice 2008 organiser
8) More Lrated books
9) Oversized Leather Tote Bag (like the one shown below)

10) MiniCooper/ Honda Civic/ Swiftsports
(please allow me to test drive first)
11) Adidas wear and accessories (hmmm bottle?)
12) A wonderful dinner with classmates
13) Awesome camp with the girls
14) A blast before the year ends
15) Sunkiss Dreams at spins

15 items just like 12days of Christmas.
*start singing " on the first day of christmas my true love sent to me...."*

New year's wishes,
1) Good results
2) OSIP
3) Impact IVP

-
So, please inform me or others if you plan to buy anything just in case of duplications. thank you.

P/S: Oh yes, if i see anything more i will add on without notice so please do check it daily. love you all. =D

The impact that strenghtens me:
I Believe,
"If God can bring you TO it, He can bring you THROUGH it always"

2007-12-14T01:27:00.000+08:00

Yes, i did it on purpose.
Does that make you happy to see me hurting inside?

end the.

2007-12-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

For those words unspoken,
I think i'm,
for distance speaks through heart in love.

and yes, i'm playing div 1(Threat).

Risk(Studies) acceptance,
Accept direct and consequent loss resulting from the threat.

but i'm sure it's not low probability low impact risk event.
well, i'm still risking. but i'm sure i will cope well =)

trapping through troubled water at the end of december.

2007-12-11T14:49:00.000+08:00

So now, the questions that had been hiding at the back on my mind in the midst of term tests,

Play for div 1

Question #1: It will last through the term and what if i cannot cope with all the upcoming projects and all?

Answer: Yes but it's a club. you can choose not to go. but then again, its best to go.

Question #2: But my whole team will not be there?

Answer: You got to always learn to adapt to new players. but. hmm. ivp!

Question #3: Yes it clashes with IVP, like IVP will be on school days while DIV1 will be on the weekends. When on normal IVP days, weekends will be the time when i try to cover all that had taught that week when I'm on LOA.

Answer: since when, Jess. HAHA.

Myself answering to myself: since now!

so bottom line, should i play for div 1?

Lastly,

Question: Should i go vivo now to study?

Answer: Yes like now its 3pm! you have wasted half the day online. goodness, Jess pleaseeee. get moving! WHY ARE YOU STILL TYPING

Proudly,

i'm revolving.

laters!

2007-11-22T21:40:00.001+08:00

mbaye you souhld sratt tihninkg waht wnet wrnog. I wulod lvoe to konw waht you fnoud.
answers?

i will still find time to update this, promise.
=)

2007-11-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life just goes on even when you choose to live with deepest inquisitions. As i step up moments to probe my idyllic delusions and level up ecstatic raptures to moralize those illustrated agony, i found joy in the simplest.

As words can only express,
I want to be the last on your mind before you sleep and the first when the morning shines.
say ok?

roars.

despite the fact that, i was all grumpy today.

today went great. =)

p/s: sorry if i offended anyone.

2007-11-20T16:52:00.000+08:00

I fell when i shouldn't allow.
I sink, when i told myself i won't
I dreamt, as i falsed myself through.

[CONTENT DELETED ON PURPOSE]

and
i did alittle spring-cleaning in terms of entries

lalalala~! I'm a happy girl
in the misery of red patches. =/

2007-11-18T23:18:00.000+08:00

In the Space between what's wrong and right,
you will find me waiting for you.
All your Fortresses go down in the night

'Till the dawn I'll see you through
'Cos I know, that you know -- you're all over me now
And it's clear -- you will show

And your curtains will go
But if your heart is cold
My sheets are warm
I will shelter you, through the storm
I will shelter you, all through the storm

2007-11-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

If I can query a day, I wonder how I want my perfect to be.
If I can announce a moment, I wonder how delightful I will be.
If I can dream a walk, I wonder how brilliant it will be.
But none of these will count, if unique loses u.
-
A random note

Today,
I acted as a crazy mother of 4 rebellious kids,
I conquered reservoir,
I had major gastric after physical,
I was constantly reminded,
I fought a battle,
I loitered.
Yet I’m unhappy.

So much to say. And again,
The words are not coming out right.
I feel like a fool.

Maybe I should step away for awhile.
Tmr will be the start of all aches.
And I’m so not looking forward to it.
Entice me once again, will you?

what's left?

2007-11-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

I said thank you because your smile made me smile.

As for future trainings,
I will vote for kiki from now onwards.
sorry mad/pris/ dam.
=D

today's awesome.
except the fact that kf sabo-ed me into some group leader.
HURHUR. kf if you are reading this, i'm still angry =(
but i love you still. hehheh.

2007-11-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

I cant believe i'm saying this
but i love my mates so much.
Cant imagine life without you guys.
from rowdy bunch of retards
to the sweetest most loveable angels.
All adds up to the colours of my life.

and needless to say,
you're a constant.

2007-11-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

[current mood- glittery ]
[current song - Clumsy by Fergie]

First time That I saw your eyes
Girl you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmmhmmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love

So in love with you
Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

Can't breath
When you touch me, see
Butterflies so crazy, mmmhmmm
Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Friends don't know whats with me, mmmhmmm

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love

So in love with you
Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships
and a girl like me dont stay single for long
Cuz everytime a girlfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it [repeat 3x]

You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you [x3]

-
Omg, its been way tooo long!
finally.

2007-11-04T00:47:00.001+08:00

Struck. Stuck. Struggle. Stark.

perhaps, I'm wrong.

someone enlighten me further please.

i love the girls!

they never fail to make me smile

and on the other hand, kill me softly.

the heartrending night.

drastically revolutionize.

I'm seeking for joy and solemn at the same time.

Uncanny as it seems,

Ignorance is not bliss sometimes.

nothing but a heart of yearns alone.

2007-11-03T00:14:00.001+08:00

Ripped this off cuzzie's blog earlier and finds it really meaningful. It somewhat summarises the sentiments I'm undergoing (in another way) which may/not link back to fear. Hopefully. i say hopefully, she wont kill me when she sees this on mine. so for now as I'm still alive.

There it goes.

I'm not afraid to be your lady

I'm not afraid to be your whore

I'm not afraid to be your future

I'm not afraid to be your soil

In which you plant your seed

Flowers, they sprout for me

My fragrance in the breeze

You must nurture me please

I'm not afraid to be your baby

I'm not afraid to be your strength

I'm not afraid to be open wide

I'm not afraid to be glutinous

The essence of glue I will stick to you

Through earthquakes and moods

If ever one thing was true

I'm not afraid to wind it, wind it

I'm not afraid to keep your pace

I'm not afraid to create my queendom

I'm not afraid to take my place

As I'm not afraid one fine day you'll find,

you're not afraid to be mine.

Playlist of quirky dreamy - I'm not afraid by Jill Scott

2007-11-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

It’s funny how we credit moments like how we try to insert colours on a monotonous picture. The memories playlist. At certain instance (like now). Choose to play at its own discretion. which is reckoned as unfit. for the intent moment.

Excessively evoked. Greatly denoted. Cardinally hark back. More often than not. It draws back to the slightest probable incursion.

Soundless as it is to naked ear. The voice remains. Yet there is no disguise which can possibly. Veil the existence where it is or rouse where it doesn’t.

As I credit those moments which I tried to add colours on, it dulled my life away. All these sentiments, not frequently undergone, intrude once fortnightly. But each time, it settles in for a period of time. So till then. As negatively sane I may/will stay. For what its worth. The pursuit of happiness still remains.

IlLUSTrated images, left hanging.

door shut. out.

Moment of unjustified confusion -

Inconsolable by Backstreet Boys.

2007-10-30T01:33:00.000+08:00

Some people are just so irritating.
Dont know how their words affect others.
Dont know how their actions can pull others down.
its best to leave me alone now.

2007-10-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

Dreams;
If i got the key to your emotions.
i will unlock all and set you free.
First where shd i start searching?

Earth;

It's hurting within my soul.

Now i wish to be set free.

Maybe you shd leave me alone.

fb tmr. love double love!

2007-10-28T02:34:00.001+08:00

You said you dint like so ya i tried.
I really dont understand whats running in your mind.
and all i did was care.
m i wrong?

haha's place, indochine and pubjunction was awesome
but it all ended on a bad note.
sighs.

but anw, thank you.

2007-10-27T15:04:00.000+08:00

sorry i deleted my earlier post. Dont wish to be reminded. but once again for the benefit of people who dint manage to read it. Thank you for the encouragements.

Credit the moments,

To xinhui,
I guess most of the credit goes out to you. Thank you dearest.

To kf, char, myra, huanwei and N603
Thank you for standing by me all the time. you people nvr fail to be my sunshinies! (:

To Jess, jon and the rest of W450
Thank you for making me stronger and praying for me all these while.

To my dearest wolfiess (named by fifi)
Thank you for standing by me and I believe later will be a blast with you all ard!

To you,
Thanks for the encouragement, i hope you get better soon (:

ok as you can tell,
we are all heading to haha's house later for raya gathering and it wont be nice if i dont attend as much as i still feel like locking myself at home.

but i know god have a perfect plan for me ahead. so ya. i take it as a learning experience.

Can you tell how much i love you?

2007-10-26T15:57:00.000+08:00

Can I sleep it away as you rewind time back to make everything a dream? Sometimes I wonder why I ached so much. When I’m not required to. Why I pretend when I'm not equipped to. with much self-condemnation and concurrence on the qualms of incredulousness. Implausibly, I shrunk so pathetically in character to savor in my humanity of fairytale perfection. I arched so low as to mediocre my mind. But who do I owe the biggest apology? No one had been more brutal than I’ve been to myself.

Expectations that I failed to reach. Blends in fruitlessly to my unbearable juice of tears. Patience may be virtue. Determination is a quality. Lost is entirely out of space. All adds to the delirium of ecstatic impulsion. Hysterically as it sounds, I lost my composure.

Wake me up please. Make me hopeful and walk in faith.
for now goodnight.

laters.

2007-10-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

Dear Pat,

Sometimes when the walking gets rough, the going gets tough. but it all in your mind. You've been through so many other problems. maybe this time it's one of the harder issues that you faced, but believe yourself. Have a little faith.

Set a goal. Work against the odds. Why let the fog infront of you mist you away? How can you tell that you are trying to achieve the unattainable? Have a little faith.

You 're running. running like the speed of sound. running so far away from where you stand. ask yourself, is it worthy? To even walk away at the slowest motion. You jumped off track. Are you giving up? You made it this far.(far enough to say far ofcus.) Why dont you get back on track?Have a little faith.

If i can pass a little faith to you, I will.

Brace up. (:

PS: Hope you like your request! (:

2007-10-25T01:29:00.000+08:00

Hurray girls, we made it happen.
and Raymond Teo was not the factor.
Somehow i think Uncle Sam's mental talk worked
Well at least it made me focus real hard
and yearn to win.

and yes today was the game i literally throw everything away
just to play my hearts out.
I know i made minor mistakes here and there.
I will improve promise!

Its not abt the medal (though i'm really happy we have it)
but playing this game with substances.
We definitely proved our worth this time.
We soar high in the sky.
like how jac throw her stick and pointed!
I love you all, wolves.

and you made it all better.
thank you (:

"One step at a time!"
my new driven motto.

Now that i cleared my first obstacle
I'm looking forward to next.
will update soon.

You had always been faithful.
Thank you for listening to me everytime i cry.
thank you for believing in me each time i try to pick myself up
motivating me through your words
and reviving this breakthrough that mattered so much to me.
I love you God.

2007-10-24T02:02:00.000+08:00

wolves,
lets soar like super rangers tmr!
one game, onewolves.

the deciding game, we gotta learn to capitalize given opportunities.
Lets walk with faith and believe till the very last sec
that we will win.
Lets not let any opportunity fail us.

We will and we can.
We will and we must.
We will and we will be driven.
Nothing is impossible girls
as long as we stick together.
Unity as one.
Ready as we game.
Gamed as we soar.

Give it your best shot, team!

2007-10-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

I'm furiously angry to the extend that i feel like ripping off some one's jaw.
If you are here to make things worse, please stop.
If you try anything funny, i will rip your jaw apart.

I nvr blog like that in my entire life before. so yes this is how furiously angry i'm. Angry like an angry beaver.

-
I fell. Off track today. Totally off-guarded. Totally not aware of the coming train rushing towards my direction. That moment of death, woke me up with a light. a ray of light shining in front of me as i walked through the darkest tunnel. the only beam that showed me living and a mixed heart.

A familiar voice kept talking to me. The voice said words so foreign. so abnormal. I heard and i let. I let it over take my life as i fall. Nonetheless, the long tunnel made walking tough. As determination depletes away and paradise is no way near, I told myself. I'm not going to let this voice capitalize my desperation. Because I know somewhere in my heart, I'm nearing. nearing the end of misery to a new place called contentment.

guess i gotta really learn to look forward and not get sidetracked.

For today,
School sucked,
Game sucked
tell me how bad things can be.

Nights.

2007-10-22T00:56:00.000+08:00

School starts tmr and trust me i still dontknow what i have to do. I feel so unprepared with no books, unsure subjects. I know its just first day of the sem but it's still important you know. ok maybe not that important. I dontknow i'm just gg crazy by overstressing myself even when school have yet to start. and where's my KF? she havent tell me what she's gg to wear tmr? see how little things can affect so much! reply me soon, thank you. all the panickness is driving me mad. seriously. Cant believe this. I have a love-hate relationship with school.

According to the song that is playing in my blog

"everything is gg to be alright" yes it will. i think. =/

To go or stay. To go or stay. thats the question. I got until 3 or 4pm to think about it. haha. next question, what shd i wear? Aiyoh. headache. Guess whats the best part. Ole doesnt have anything that it is related to my current sem modules. ):

hopefully tmr i wouldnt get a shock when introduction starts. and pleaseee lecturers, if you want me to stay for lecs please learn to make it interesting. if not i will die of boredom. thank you.

Game tmr, against NP
Yes we won the last and we will win the next.
Lets play hard girls with love.

oh yes, service today was good. it nvr fails to bring me energy to walk into the new week. and yes i'm fully charged, vitalised and all ready to face challenges and the reality impossibilities.

start week good.
nights.

2007-10-21T04:46:00.000+08:00

I found something mins ago. and it really made me smile like a damn crazy woman. I'm glad. i'm so glad you are fine. you nvr fail to make me smile as much as i have to stay sane.

I ask myself,
how can i stay sane when i'm insane about you?
always been and will be (: